Konnichiwa! This is a continuation of the post “IHL ‘Tour'”. After we talked to the actor, we asked a few questions of one of the other employees, and she toured us around to more of the offices and whatnot. It was rather messy, because they were doing construction, but the offices that were finished were pretty cool. In front of one of the desks there was a row of four of the chairs like the ones in the audience area, which I thought was adorable, though I don’t quite understand why they were there. One of my favorite parts of the visit was when we got to see what I believe they called the black room, though I’m not sure. It was a dark room with mini versions of the sets. I was amazed at the detail, and I still don’t understand how they make them. On one of them was a sign that read something along the lines “If you touch this you will not only die, but it will hurt the entire time” which we got a good laugh out of. The entire trip made me feel like I was doing a play with my friends, but much more complicated.
After the tour, we went to dinner at Cici’s and Panera’s. I went to Panera’s. For anyone who doesn’t know what Panera’s, or Panera Bread, is, it is one of my favorite restaurants that I go to occasionally on Sundays. I give it five stars-the decorating is pretty, but calm, and it would be a great place to have a writing session while sipping on some of their hazelnut coffee. There’s something about the atmosphere that causes everyone there to talk at a level that creates a comfortable feel-not too loud, and not too soft.
Anyways, I can give a review of Panera’s later. After we went to Panera’s, we went home. The next day of the ‘tour’, was Monday, when we spent the entire day at a church where we were to sing for a benefit concert for the charity FREE, which helps stop prostitution in an area of Pennsylvania. The entire day was rather uneventful, we played silly games in between practicing, and then the performance came. Now, I have never been one to get very nervous, at least not past what I could handle, but the last few performances I have been having trouble. This time, however, before I even got on the stage my mind was practically screaming that I shouldn’t. Something in me told me that as soon as I set foot on that stage I would either collapse or throw up. I told my choir director, and being a very understanding, kind person, she agreed to let me only do four songs with the select group of singers I am a part of. So I sat down with the audience and read, hoping to get my mind off of things. However, as my turn came, I could feel waves of nervousness coursing through me. I practically didn’t sing-I mouthed most of it while anxiously shifting my weight back and forth, my only thoughts that I needed to get off stage immediately. I stayed on till the end of the song where I stayed frozen for a second, and then awkwardly walked off stage by myself, right before they began the next song. Once I sat down, I felt relatively calm, until at the end of the entire performance, when I felt a wave of nausea. In fact, looking back, I’m fairly sure my nervousness wasn’t just nervousness, it was also nausea, and if I hadn’t gotten down when I did…things probably wouldn’t have ended well.
As soon as I felt that wave of nausea, I ran to my father, who had come to see me perform, and told him I felt like I was going to throw up. Unfortunately for my father, I am not one of those people who can say, “I don’t feel good-I think I’ll just throw up in that bush and then I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” Oh no. Instead, I began to have a panic attack along with feeling nauseous, which did not help whatsoever. Eventually, I was feeling so sick that I decided that I was going to throw up, and there was no point in being upset about the inevitable. This is the mindset I had more when I was younger about most things, if there is something you can’t stop from happening, there is no point in trying to stop it. I wish I were like this more often now. Either way, despite the fact that with each turn of the car on the way home, my stomach practically screamed, I managed to make it home without throwing up. Eventually my stomach calmed down. Though, my stomach still feels nauseous occasionally.
This whole episode is due to the fact that I have been dealing with a fear of throwing up for a little while now, though in some ways it seems to be getting better. In the two performances before this one, I believe I was forced to sit down due to panic attacks. I debated with telling you this, as I feel I shouldn’t want to tell you my health problems for some reason, but I couldn’t think of a reason. Also, it was fairly relevant to recent events. I will share the photos in a different post of it’s own-sorry. By the way, I will be going to a celebration of Hanami tommorow, so I hope to post something about that afterwards! ^_^
Writing Challenge: I’m sorry, I know it’s a long post but my writing challenge to you is to write a day in the life of someone with a fear of something that is fairly common such as people, or germs, ect. Feel free to blog your results! Also, feel free to comment and/or follow!